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August 27 of the failure of courage and honesty to the hearttwo months have gone past since i last posted here, thus one may ask me for the reason of posting today. it is simple -- simply because i have another story to tell, and to narrate of my sights upon it upon reflection. this time it is my own story from the mind, however, not some other events which i have seen on other people and i express my own insights towards that particular event... it is not, but this time i will need your insights or in simpler terms, opinions on this matter... a dilemma which has haunted the mind of the archknight for the past 2 weeks, threatening to tear his focus apart...
on 15th august 2009, on behalf of answering the request of the order of the 5 and some other 'collaborators', i made myself present on an event despite my own misgivings prior to that moment. if you ask me what the event was, this one i will not answer, as most of the others would have narrated the story for that event on their behalf or from their angle. as i have aforementioned, this is solely a story of my own, and i do not want to take on the tales of others to add in here...
as usual, that day was as usual, unlike any other, until an hour almost the end at least.for at that very hour when all arise from their seats to engage themselves in their dances and so on, i stood right the center, looking at the whole hall, silent. there i saw her once again, looking at her friends who were mostly dancing in front of the stage.... and then something went to trouble me, for i do not know whether i should ask her at all... (for what reason, i choose not to tell, for those who know, kindly keep it in your mind) this expression, which was obvious in my face as an expression, was quickly seen through by both the archbishop and the judge, who promptly asked me to go ahead and make the request
it was one which i hesitated to, one which i do not have the courage to face, it was indeed one.. that will make me reflect this utter weakness...
in the end i mustered forth my courage and went to ask her, however it was too late -- the time of departure has arrived, and right at my eyes, she left...
that was 3.59p.m., and at that moment it was raining. rain, its presence was somehow (to me) as though as singing my laments and despairing thoughts, which i promptly reflected when i reached home.. a thought which would haunt me for 2 weeks...
"are you brave enough to actually know what you want, and to pursue it with your own hands?"
"do you ever looked into the depth of your heart, and listened to its pleas and requests?"
"if so, what makes you hesitates to [ursue or to request or to covet what you have desired or wanted?"
no answer from my mind. yet one of the questions was answered, though not knowingly, by none other than the shinigami herself, which answered my own question in a manner which can described as a needle which draws blood in a prick (id est. straight forward)
"do you know what is your own predicament? you are not honest towards your own heart. nor you trusted it.."
"is it so?"
"yes, i have observed you for this past year, and i do not understand, how come you deny your own potential when it is so apparent in our eyes? why don't you pursure your desires which your heart commands? why turn back on it?"
turn back? now i know, and i understnad, that it was because of fear that impeded my pursuit of my desires... now, one may ask, fear of what?
i feared the insights of many others, who used to sneer at many of my efforts, as well as most of my works here. "long", "incomprehensible" are among the words they use. yet don't they know my own style? secondly, i feared the consequences that may befall should i fail, thus i think too much whenever i wanted to decide upon something, just like the aforementioned case, by the time i have made up my mind, the chance is gone...
thus the first part of this story has ended, now for the second part...
on 22nd of august 2009, i have attended the farewell for the form 5 seniors from the chinese club. there we had barbecue for dinner, after that we had a great time taking pictures and stuff... (the pictures are uploaded on this site as well, do take a look at it) all sorts of fun were there...
yet, the focus of this part of the tale was not of it, it was of something else...
rather unexpected, the shinigami showed up, and throughout that evening i narrated my experience on photography, as well as grudges with certain people (like one who backstabbed all of us during that fateful session), including the past memories....
the touching part, however, was when she offered a lift to my grandma's house, considering the late of timing for that day...
i thought over it, why? why one who is not even of my distant bloodline, one whom i frequently insulted and expressed of my grudges against, would do such a thing?
once again, i have yet to discover the answer to this question, thus i need your views on this matter. again she commented that i refused to face my own heart and instincts, which leads to missing many opportunities in life, true or not? yet to be answered...
this chapter of my tale ends here, and as the trials officially commences next week, i hereby wish that all of you can score well in this "examination of destiny", where all our skills will be put into the test...
the archknight, 27th august 2009, 4.17p.m.
June 28 of the one individual who prizes her treasures above the lives of sons and daughters true enough, i had once again did something sinful, this time shattering a plastic elephant which is rather important for the feng shui formations for the house in order to harbour the auras of prosperity and such... of course i held myself guilty, yet i will never express this feeling openly (one thing which no one can actually understand the reason, nor i will actually reveal it anyway, discover it yourself if you ever bother to do so...) deep within my heart remorse exists, and i thought of buying some super glue to repair the damage done... however, there is something that happened soon after that really angers me, though because of her i was forced to suppress it within my heart. it was then my mother asked me, "did you know how much this cost or not?" what on earth?! so now she value the cost of this treasures more than the lives of her son... considering i cut my finger at that moment. for that particular moment, rage and anger mastered my remorse, and i decided to just walk away, disregarding any word that she hurled at me... it was just a precursor to the explosion which at any rate it may happen... for long i have suppressed the anger and hatred towards her for the lack of attention she gave... true enough, i cannot deny the fact that she was the very person who bestowed me my very life 17 years and 49 days ago, i cannot deny the fact that throughout these years she took great care of me in a corporeal sense. corporeally i was protected from harm... also my requests and wishes she tried her best to fulfill it. i cannot deny the fact that -- without her, my life cannot be sustained by any means... if that's the case, some may ask, why the anger and hatred? the reason is simple, if she thinks that she knew every side of me, whether corporeally or ethereally, then it is a grave assumption, for it is never true. seriously, apart from fulfilling my needs physically and did everything for me, i wished to ask a question: did she ever attempt to fathom my own thoughts and mind? i seriously doubt it... for hardly there is time for doing so... out of the 168 hours a week, 56 hours were spent for sleeping, 70 hours for work. what about the balance 52 hours? 16 hours of completing both housework and office work, and for the rest 36 hours spent for television... hehe, when one is on work one will never want to be disturbed, this is understandable.. however, 36 hours spent on television without even bother to attempt to understand how the minds of her children work of late is simply preposterous!!! just imagine these following replies... "there is something i wished to ask you of it?" "go ask your father about it..." "there is something i wished to tell you..." "don't you see that i'm busy watching TV?" or "don't you see that i'm busy with work?" sometimes it just get even better... like "refusing to think after dinner" and such.. alright, i agree that one must rest after sustaining 10 hours of stress and fatigue... thus i tried not to trouble her with my matters whenever i could... yet, of late i think she gained the impression that i do not need anyone to listen to my plight, as others will listen... or even better, my mind remained calm... condemn such a thought! from the past until this moment, i personally thought that parents are all-knowing such that i do not need to reveal anything for them to get a hint out of it... secondly, whenever i attempted to ask her for counsel and reason, what did i get in return?! nothing other than despairing and spirit-breaking comments!!! i can tell you this, it is the main reason for my choice of occluding and shrouding my mind from her eyes at all, which is to say, unless father tells her, she will never know what is going on between me... she mentioned this to me numerous times before, "you people are driving me mad!!" to this i wished to retaliate with a sentence of my own -- "i think i will be admitted into an asylum before you do!" which is actually true to a certain extent... facing her intensifies my already great stress, as i could find no shelter and counsel nor any word of advice... instead i get a hell out of it! that question of cost mentioned above, actually confirmed my doubts -- one could be that realistic to the extent of beholding the worth of things of fortune above the lives of others... a dead substance's worth which surpassed the worth of a living... a superstitious mindset than a living yet remain functional mindset... frustrated and angered i am.. if that's the case, there is nothing wrong to exact my expression of rage and displeasure of it! let the archknight ask this question, apart from fulfilling my needs, is there any attempt in you to approach me with questions of care and mind-caring? i will never deny that father did it frequently, yet as for her... if she ever dared to say "yes".... with proof, then i plead myself guilty. however, for the past 3 years i have evidently failed to perceive it. how many things about me apart from my favourites she knew? less than half, i can presume. thus do not blame me if she said that i treat her as though as i treat a stranger... it is almost the same... since she hardly bother to know me in terms of my mind.. then why should i reveal my thoughts to her.. and without hope of being counselled wisely, only to suffer a hell of reprimandings... thus when she said that "do not call me as your mother from now on, you are no son of mine!" i never feel shocked, as i have long expected it... this relationship has already detriorated to such a degree that we are mutually estranged from each other. i turned myself into books and wisdom, as well as the making of friends and notably, the writing of "The Legend of the Order". it is just because i still hold respect to her at times that i have never seriosuly exploded yet. it will soon come to pass, for she never understand some of my darkest emotions of late never before she asked of the purpose for me to write "The Legend of the Order", thinking it as something preposterous and time-wasting, nor i bothered to actually waste my time to explain of it. secondly... she blamed me for holing up in my room all day, again never understanding the reason...never she asked me why did i use the word "archknight" as my nickname? had she knew it long ago, do i need to keep everything in my heart? do i need to suppress my rage and emotions without knowing where to release it? do i need to reveal my secrets to everyone else for advice and counsel without her knowing? do i need to avoid her knowledge about my whereabouts all the time? the answer -- i do not think i need to.... 17 years... the last 5 years is like a dormant volcano, i myself am unsure of when it will erupt, causing the ultimate momentum and damage... this suppression and occlusion is taking a heavy toll on me, tormenting me both corporeally and ethereally, yet none could understand. as such, i could only turn to the five for aid and guidance, from there i manage to seek what i wished for... if this carries on, i think she will really drive me to the brink of insanity...:( the archknight, 28th june 2009, 10.14p.m. May 22 of the bane of the night "destiny -- taiyou no hana"... one may question me, why is this song so appealing to me, such that i could listen to it for more than 1400 times in total? (the figure is just an estimation) the first who asked this question is none other than the archduke, then followed by many others... "there was never a time when i can see that you are not listening to the song at all? what is it so great about it?" -- the archduke, 10th november 2008. "won't you get bored after you have listened to it for about a hundred times?" -- the judge, 13th november 2008. "again as i have said, there is no crime in listening a song repeatedly, it is just an inclination of your interest towards the meaning of it. so long as it does not interfere with the life of yours and the others, you should not be denied the right to listen to anything you love..." -- the archduchess, 15th november 2008. "i can see that the meaning of the chorus reflects the truth that is hidden within your heart for years..." -- madam bj, 15th january 2009. all of them may have known it, but none of them could understand, as quoted. "there is always a layer of mist that serves as a barrier from the clear sight of the flower should you choose to see it inside the mist". even though they knew that it brings great impact to both sound and mind, yet few know the reason of so... until i absolutely refused to try to explain to them, nor i am inclined to do so... those who know me well should know the actual reason behind.. (one hint: look into the chorus of the intervals 1:06 - 1:35, the translation will provide the answer) why the title of this post today? in fact it will not be easy to explain, as of previous posts even with the bizarre nature of the words that are used for my heading, this is altogether a different case. for those who could not understand, or do not even bother to understand, the word "nightbane" is actually a combination of two words -- night and bane. when combined, it simply means "one who conquers the darkness of the night and appears as the bane of despair", which in this case serves as the beacon of light that is burning within my heart, and it has something to do with the song which i have aforementioned... that song is actually a catalyst that started a chain transformation in my mind. i downloaded that song in random and i found the lyrics, though unable to comprehend it at once, extremely intriguing. later on i found out that it is the theme song for the anime "black jack 21", which i began to watch around the beginning of this year. it opened my sights to anime, which i did not even set my eyes upon before... from this, i learned many things from anime which no one can tell me, not even the teachers who are extremely wise can do so. i understand that sometimes one can never deny the power of miracles that may happen at any time of your life, especially those critical times when you despaired or gave up entirely for lost. i regained my confidence as a result, knowing that although miracles may happen, it must be forged by your own hands, no one else can assist you in doing that. with that knowledge, i continued to expand my wisdom, in expense of almost everything else, i forsook my emotions, effectively severing it from clouding my mind in my quest of seeking knowledge... however that is not the main thing... from that song i sensed despair from the singer, especially at the 10th stanza (at intervals between 3:26 - 3:55) and the last two words at the end... it proved to be a close mirror to my emotions of that time, when i knew that im denied to the end, without towers to destroy at all. the chorus further reflects the devotion of the singer to the person which she took great regard, albeit without anything in return... it mirrored me to be honest to my emotions, and try to embrace it to seek greater faith... yet i failed. i dare not fully embrace my emotions once again, for fear of being injured in the heart lest things that are beyond my expectations turned out. as a result i have learned to expect the worst, severing my ties with emotions except for anger and despair. i forsook the way to care for people, knowing that it will bring me nothing except disappointment. i chose to pursue more knowledge with everything i have in expense, sometimes even involving arguments that can evolve into big fights solely to prove my point, for i know one thing for sure... i cannot lose at all, not when the light of the lunar grace is shining above the night sky. i cannot give up, not when the moon is shining the light to all while im farming. i have to own back the entire game, to become the bane of night where i defeat everything that stands in my path, ultimately leading the light of the sun to dominate the sky. thus, in conclusion, that song not only let me think of the directions which my heart mirrors to, but also opening my mind to greater degree of knowledge and wisdom, as well as to remind me... own this game for your own sake, not for the others. do not entrust the others in assisting you, for they also covet the same thing as you do. there are still two more papers to go, so try your best to counter-balance your disadvantages, and may the grace of the sun shines upon you, to become the bane of night where all your despairs and disturbance will be driven away from occluding your path to your success... from the archknight, 22nd of may 2009, 9.37p.m. February 28 of the leaving of a legend looking at this heading one may wonder, why on earth did i use such words to describe my post? the answer (or rather the reason) is actually very simple, and very obvious -- someone whom i extremely respected and revered left. by this description, who on earth would that person be? there is only one answer to this question: pn.khoo the elven queen... the tides of time and misfortune befall upon us as she chose to retire before our leaving at the end of this year, even though we had more or less expected this to happen since last year, this incident came to us as a surprising and shocking news, as no one had wish for her to be gone, let alone for eternity... a legend, a prodigy, a beacon of hope, a resurrection. these are the words i actually used on stage yesterday when i present to her personally my last gift, apart from the photos which exhibited a great deal of storage in terms of memories. unique and distinctive from other people, never before we expressed any negative thoughts nor harbor ill feelings against her. on the other hand, she never really reprimanded us for our mistakes, the worst being asking us to stand outside the class... her presence for the last four hundred and one and twenty days surely left an impact on every soul which she taught, however the impact on me was much greater than the others, for a few reasons...first, there seems to be some sort of mutual connection between us, such that i felt i could entrust her with most of my secrets which i dare not reveal even to the order of the five. in return, she provided counsel and wisdom which i sought for a very long time. many of my predicaments were solved by her word alone, and i never failed to apply it again should the same problem arises. secondly, her word is like something which is able to revive or resurrect a person, not in terms of life and death but in terms of hope and despair. i recalled the moment last year when i was at the verge of failing additional mathematics. looking at the high master who scored 51 points more than me (a beyond-godlike streak which shocked the entire form), i despaired and felt disillusioned, even feeling suicidal. fortunately for me, she did not chain-blast me for my low marks as others, notably that son of a gun, would have done. instead, she consoled me and recommended ways of strengthening my mastery and grasp of the subject. i did as what she said, and i began to analyse a lot of sums and problems, ensuring complete understanding of the topic and as well as knowing my own mistakes and the reasons why i did so. all these high spirits of enthusiasm, pursuit and determination are the culmination of her word, which at that time reignited my will and resurrected my soul, such that i vowed to work hard for the better... third, never before she would forget days which are meaningful to us, id est. our birthdays. every beginning of the month she would bring a bag of expensive chocolates to give us as a gift. though we literally took the chocolates for granted, deep in our heart we appreciated her gratitude. not only birthdays, when times of festivities like chinese new year comes, she would indulge us with delicacies like cookies, pineapple biscuits, sweets and many more. where would you be able to encounter a teacher who can be so generous? fourth, to say that she really embrace her heart and emotions to teach us the art of maths is actually a true statement. though sometimes she could really get serious when comes to work submission and letters of absence, she had a great sense of humor during classes which killed all our boredom when facing math concepts, especially when it came to diffrentiation and solution of triangles, which are easily the most boring topics one could imagine. yet she could just explain in a way where everybody would get excited and eager to do. the effect was such that when someone did not hand in his or her work on time, automatically he or she would feel the remorse gnawing at the mind... additionally, her emotions spilled through her words, notably the time when she marked our papers during our final year exam last year, i heard she nearly or even actually shed her tears due to our mistakes... lamenting our failure.... finally, not many teachers would actually save their students from trouble, and she is indeed one of the exceptions. i remember that time (refer to the post on 8th or 15th november.. either one of them) i was required to pay a fine due to my lateness in returning. however i was unable to do so due to lack of small change, and to make things worse, the quota would be double should i failed to pay on that day. she was there at that time, and without second thought she loaned me the money and i paid the fine... got myself out of trouble because of her.... indeed a rare sight, especially the days of late when the hearts of people were darkened with selfishness and greed... thus when she announced her decision to retire at the start of this year, we tried our very best to plead for her staying, or at least delay her plans.. yet destiny decides everything, tearing this relationship asunder, ignoring our pleas... and when she left with her car yesterday, these thoughts were in me... she is the first teacher whom i actually sent a happy new year card, she is the first teacher whom i actually spilled y secrets to, she is the first teacher whom advised me not to narrow down my scope of relations, she is the first teacher whom i actually revered more than those of my bloodline, she is the first teacher whom i actually hugged without anyone asking... now that she is gone from us forever, we might as well brace ourselves, and not lamenting it for too long, for we have a challenge at hand, and we shall embrce it, presevere, determine and ultimately prevail... when an event ends, it becomes a tale; when a tale dies, it becomes a legend; when a legend dies, it becomes a myth; when a myth dies, it is forgotten..nevertheless her passing only marked the departure of her in a corporeal sense, her ethereal legend and legacy will endure in our hearts forever, never to be erased by the high winds of time... -- the archknight, 28th february 2009, 9.13p.m. January 23 of definition in the terms of legitimacythe concept of legitimacy has been etched to my own mind ever since when i was a young kid, and until now, even now, when im just less than 4 months away from turning 17, i still do not forget this concept...
defined rather differently depending on the terms one is using, it nonetheless meant "an entity of authority which is recognised by the law". besides that, it also means a lineage, parentage, bloodlines, inheritance in the terms which is acknowledged. it is an extremely powerful word, which can be used by individuals to either bestow or to deny someone of their rights -- only the legitimate heir could ascend to the throne... only the legitimate players are entitled to the championship.. etc. defying this concept has been one of the main reason for many dynastic or family struggles for inheritance, glory and power...
if one is to say, in our terms, what defines the boundary which falls under this concept? the answer..very simple: only 3 criterias to fulfil, much less than those of even higher authorities, as this thing will only affect those who are under a club or association... the first, is the recognition from the teacher advisors, their recognition always spell certain meaning in the decision of the votes.. secondly, support from the seniors with almost the same reason mentioned beforehand.. the third and the last, support from the students and the others for your leadership to be stable and without any trouble... and preferably two thirds of majority.. as simple majority would not suffice
for long all presidents or chairman of the clubs and associations are chosen under these conditions... yet in this year, (now enters the offensive part) there is one who attempted to challenge this concept and invoked the anger and hatred of many of the form 5 people. this girl, i will not address her directly in the name, as in my style of addressing people, thus in this case, she will be known as the 'elven princess', the former (or rather still present) companion of the archbishop himself.. listed below will be among those things in which she had done in order to place herself right on the pinnacle of the associations or clubs she joined...
i) forging cordial relations with the teachers, ensuring things will go well on her behalf, at least not without any trouble...
explanation: this one is narrated to me by a dozen people, and even the elven queen is aware of it, only that she does not even bother to take heed of those words of warning... as in the year of 2008, she has been reported to play traunt on many meetings of the uniform associations... only to accompany someone. this also happened during chess meetings, where she was reported to have disappeared to the open hall (same reason as before) after she submitted her cocurriculum book... what pact has been dealt is not known to us, but suffice to say, it has enabled to worm her way out of trouble, way too much...
the archknight's point of view: while maintaining relations with teachers is always good, but when someone is using it for his or her own profit, then it must be checked at times to prevent he or she from becoming too powerful and beyond control....
ii) requesting or threatening others to vote for her in all high offices, as well as 'using' others as stepping stones
explanation: the very act which undermined the meaning of "justice" and "democracy", which all strived. as early as this morning it has been reported that she toyed a form 4 guy who took a liking or devoted to her for a long time (again, the reason is unknown) to bring as many of his friends to the same club or association in which she joined to vote for her.. what for? if she is really good (which 9 out of 10 seriously doubt it, whether openly or backstab), then even if she did nothing to consolidate her advantage all will still vote for her despite lack of advantage... secondly, it was reputed (lately proven) that during the annual grand meetings she either asked the juniors to vote for her, or threatened them... to her fury, her gambit failed during the sports house annual grand meeting, and i was told that she flamed at them...
the archknight's point of view: threaten the others for your own advatageous ends? what for? you try to do it only to make yourself even more hated by the general populace..secondly, this undermines the concept of liberty and the rights of others to choose their desired leaders for themselves...furthermore, the juniors do not have a clear picture of all the people who are capable of doing great wonders and miracles, as the prefects took all the glory for themselves due to their higher status.. while some are really capable to be entrusted of the task, some are just there to show off...
III) filing protests against the decisions made by the past seniors
explanation: her ultimate tactic, used on the annual grand meeting for unifrom association on 21st january 2009. widely known to be desiring posts or lust and craved for power, which can be concluded as power-hungry or power-concious, it is of no wonder that the very moment she got wind that the seniors of the past year did not assign any posts to her at all, she went berserk, such that she launched a backstabbing act against the decision made by the seniors, claiming that the seniors choose the board members based on the friendship, not on the terms of merit.. ironically, due to the first tactic she used the teacher advisors were naturally easily convinced and thus the previous decisions made by the seniors were rendered illegitimate or void, which culminated in the reelection of the board.. the worst backstab came after -- the supposed-to-be-president is now under her authority, being the assistant secretary...
the archknight's point of view: usually the seniors are the ones who know the members best, not the teacher advisors. thus, any decision made by the seniors to determine the new members of the board is always based on their knowledge and image on the person in question, not in friendship.. for the sake of the club or association itself i personally believed that the seniors will never choose a person who will lead them to ruin in the future. as a conclusion, the decisions and recommendations made by the seniors are usually the best proof of authority and choice... perhaps even surpass the teachers' eyes... as for her who is denied from having any post, she should actually think back and reflect herself, she played traunt throughout the past only to meet her bf... (and i clearly understand that there is absoultely no fault in his part, who actually fell victim to her diabolical schemes) thus, how could the seniors actually see the quality that was in her?
suffice to say, these 3 things are her procedures to pave her way to power -- the ultimate dream of hers... her 'spell' invoked charmed many until some have not awakened, the archbishop is one of those, as he still spoke to her defense this morning when almost half the students of 5S1 proposed a motion or vote of no confidence against her. if this is the case, personally i think that she should be extremely grateful to him, who is still willing to defend her despite the 'uprising' against her.. to the stage that all of us called him 'feeder'... yet to the lament of many and the fury of all, at the end of july last year she betrayed him in favor for others, and it is still the case now.. her diabolical desire for power will prove catastrophic should her onslaught is allowed to be remained unchecked...i do not fear for myself, but i fear for those who are under her, be it prefect or otherwise...
at the same time, i would like to pay great respect to those who attempted to resist her arrogant onslaught or nature, most notably the thinker... (or master biologist if you wish to address her as such) despite losing her post, she persevered, fought extremely hard to defend the others from being denied of any post (this included the high master, who was actually promoted) with the darkening of hearts as age grows, it is a rare sight to see someone who is so noble who could sacrifice herself to fulfil the wishes or defend for the others... truest regards of salutations i shall convey...
at the end, i would like to express my most sincere apologies to those who i inadvertantly offended, notably the archbishop who defended her still.... i do understand your thoughts and devotions for her, and it is one loyal thought which by right should be recognised or reciprocated, but unfortunately denied, however for the sake of justice and the rights of people who are deprived the right to vote, as well as protecting them from being ruined and come under the torment.. objections must be done...
by the way, as i adjourn this rather lengthy post, i would like to wish everyone happy chinese new year!!!!
written by the archknight, 23th january 2009, 11.36p.m. December 31 of the last day of the yearthree hundred and sixty-six days have gone past ever since this year began, and many memories took the space within the ethereal side of myself. all the twelve months of this year, some were great, others were depressing...
entering the year of 2008, i as well entered the 4th year of secondary school, which began with the introduction of some new faces which in the past did not enter our class before (to this i meant the teachers) of all of them, the best of all (and possible undeniable) is known as pn.khoo, and i gave her the title of 'the elven queen', for she indeed looked like an elf, with pointy ears and short stature...
all maths (and add maths classes, beginning 11th february 2008, after the incident on january which saw the ousting of mr.ragu) could be described with the words such as enjoyable, understandable, coupled up with her feminine personality and care, all of us liked her so much, to such an extent that most of us looked forward to her classes, and i hoped that the next year shall be the same as well.
at other times, she also functioned (literally) as a counselor and an advisor.. in reference to the card-playing incident on the 13th november, she asked us not to play with money while playing card, but in fact card-playing of any way is against the rules. also another thing in reference to show that she is also some sort of protector happened on the 7th november 2008. that day, i was having some trouble in dealing with something, without any second thought she came to my assistance and ultimately got me out of this mess.
besides, she also had a great sense of humour, as noted at her birthday party on the 26th july 2008. though initially warned us not to even think of anything funny against her that day, ultimately appreciated our gratitude and heart for preparing such a party. almost all of her classes were filled with kaughter, as there would be some sort of jokes behind the lessons...
in conclusion, pn.khoo is one of the few teachers who is able to bring extremely good memories to all (or most) the students she teaches.. and i hope so in 2009... as well with so many great teachers who left this year(notably mr.bong and pn.phang) i do hope she will not leave before we does... (quite greedy)
higher forms also marked higher expectations. as one of the students in one of the best classes, naturally i was expected, like others, to perform well both academically and in cocurriculum. though i had succeeded in the first, i nearly failed the second. immersing myself too much on the side of knowledge pursuing, i forsook the fun of sprts and all others.. hence shaping an extremely conservative character of myself... i admit, i made a "trade" which can be deemed as unnatural, as in exchange of knowledge, i forsook the relations, mindset, behaviour of myself, thus causing fear and dislike among some others.
the strain could be felt beginning of april, as the syllabus began to demand more and more from us, and i almost couldnt hold it. it was not until the holidays in may that i felt a brief respite to regroup my spirits to prepare for another semester of pursuit, which would be even more difficult and taxing. i had expected myself could not withhold the extreme pressure, and yet amongst impossible odds, i managed to go through this with an extremely big smile...
the story which i wrote has been completed for the 1st book, and is currently in my cousins hand for their reading (in fact, i inadvertantly left it by mistake) and im beginning on the 2nd book, while planning for the 3rd... one of my resolutions for the next year is the completion of the trilogy...
as for relationships, though i have not officially began one nor end one, i nonetheless observed 3 linear relations, all of them met their endgame, the latest in the month of december... i saw through their tears, their grief, their efforts of maintaining it without avail, their stress, and ultimately their shyness after the end when they meet... until i began to fear for them, that they would be affected and ultimately taking the toll on their studies... even i myself was not spared from that fate... true, my skills and writing skills have been greatly refined throughout the year in terms of the language and elegance, but it also shaped my personality as eccentric, enigmatic and reclusive, as the style is unique and opposed to the general way of writing, leading to many people failing to comprehend my words or message.... as well as the titles of peoples, while some proved to be suitable for their character, some are considered insult and extreme, especially my titles to pn.ting (as mentioned before in 1 post, i had 11 ways of addressing her and all of them pertaining the terms of death)...
all this, coupled with the flame in my heart which is the source of my perseverance, had made many feared me in a way.. and ultimately the light of the moon denied my sight and devotion... as a starfall from the eyes sealed my current fate, as the winds around me turned cold. twice in this year i have been denied, though indirectly, and i could not farm for the next.. while many spoke for my defence, yet the ones i hoped the most did not do so, much to my utter disappointment. my heart grew cold, and i despaired, nearly succumbed to the rage that has been burning in me constantly since long ago...
however what right do i possess to claim for it? twice on the occasion i did something wrong against her, some will know, while others will not; twice on the occasion i used her as a sword and shield for me to achieve my targets or to allow myself to get out of trouble... twice on the occasion in order to prove my astery and prowess, i took the liberty of... with all these sins coupled up, what right do i have to win it, the heart of one and no other? i could just answer in one guess: none! none at all!
it is of no wonder.. that the end of this year brought me peace, who was utterly tormented throughout the holidays by boredom and desolation. while defense of the ancients and the legend of the order trilogy killed almost one third of my time, i could not figure out on how to kill the rest, except for the three days spent with my 2 cousins, that could be said as the best of the best times i spent during the holidays (swimming, playing games and watching their performances)... only five days left for now, and i looked forward to the light that beams of the darkness surrounding me...
fianlly, i do believe that everyone had made their resolutions for the incoming year of 2009.. and for those who are taking government examinations next year, id est. pmr or spm... one of their resolutions will be scoring well in their exams...
as for me, excluding the wish for excelling in spm, my new year resolutions would be:
1) spend as much time as possible with friends, notably the order of the five with the remaining 300 days, as the next year may be the last year i see them, as they are among the best friends i could seek for, and i could not be so greedy as to wish for more. also included in this resolution are .... (i dun wan to mention it, as by now the whole world would have known it)
2) leave down a legacy for the juniors via the knowledge i have coveted throughout the years, as well as refining my skills of writing and to finish the trilogy of the legend of the order. the last year must be my year to shine everything i have.. as after then, i do not think that i will have the chance to do so again until death calls me
3) as in the japanese song "destiny--taiyou no hana" (the opening for anime 'blackjack 21'), i do hope i could learn the way of how to care for the others, as throughout the years i practically lacked it. with so many people speaking for my defence, even though some do not express it in front, i feel myself as an ingrate for not appreciating them, sometimes even humiliated, scolded, abused words at them. i wanted to redeem my own darkened soul by repaying their gratitude, before the period of the 300 days ends...
while one is enveloped with the tides of darkness,
which encircled him with a whole year of bad luck,
do not fret, do not despair,
as no matter what, dawn shall come again, and it shall.
just as the year of 2008 darkened with the onset,
of numerous crisis despairing the hearts of many,
suicide, surrender, and all thoughts of depression,
give yourself a brief respite, and reinvigorate yourself,
joy to the coming of 2009!
may this end of the last post of 2008 be a new beacon of dawn for the year of 2009, happy new year! -- the archknight... December 05 of the middle of the holidaysat last i got some time to make my first post of the last month of this year... it is now the middle of the endyear holidays and about 31 days left back to school... feeling both excited and sad.. excited because im looking forward for more knowledge to enter my brain; sad because from beginning of next year, the 330-days countdown will begin, as it will be the last year of the school. (as discussed in the post did on 8th november)
unfortunately it is just the beginning of december, 30 more days of torture and im desperate to find methods to literally kill time.. the loneliness and free without work is killing me at any rate! anyway, i took most of this time to complete the first story of mine.. with a rate of 1 chapter per day, each chapter spanning 5-8 pages. (long?? i think not enough) and it was completely at about 1 am on thursday, even though im not quite happy with the ending, i still felt that it is an accomplishment.
now that it is done, im going to start the 2nd book anytime soon, latest by next week. this time i planned to write to up to 220 pages of length (about 26 pages more than the first), spanning 30 chapters. already i got the synopsis ready to move on. (one of the best means to kill time, besides going to vacation or attending meetings and gaming)
20 days have gone past since the holidays started, and i could only mentioned one thing -- im beginning to miss all of you people. and it struck me that many people tends to only miss things or people only when they are no longer at your side... somehow true. for during school days i used to disregard them or even ignore them at times, however ironically now that i don't see the faces, i started to think of them and recalling their voices every night.. as for the five, the high master somehow got a part-time job for the holiday, while others... most likely gaming (the archduke hunting love songs, dont know for wht reason)
as there is nothing much to be written about, i will only share my thoughts throughout the first half of the holidays.... it is a time of peace and quiet, free from stress and work, to do practically anything you desired, i thus took the advantage to refine my writing skills, as well as strengthening my mastery of algebra and calculus.. (although for this week i haf become lazy) maybe i should go buy some book to read, or get more pen and foolscap papers.. so that these two things will not run out whenever im writing a chapter halfway, just as pn.khoo the elven queen mentioned, "always prepare a spare one, in the case of your books going to finish, you can immediately continue your work without less or delay of time.."
even though so, one can never do the same thing all the while without stopping. (sigh) probably i will have to alternate between story-writing and gaming, but gaming also will soon not be possible, as im d/l-ing the silroad client for the upcoming expansion update... thus i guess, stuck to the same thing.... hopefully, the 2nd story (entitled: "The Legend of the Order 2: Tales of the Southern Seas" ) can be completed before chinese new year, with the rate of one chapter per day.... November 15 of the remaining of the last daysof late if anyone noticed, somehow i seem to listen to one same song only.. without even changing for hours. for what reason i do that?
very simple.. becoz the song riled my mind. which is to say, it made me recall someone (not of the five).. that song was entitled "destiny - taiyou no hana" which literally meant "flower of the sun" (if im not mistaken) it somehow made me recalled everything that is associated, in terms of almost everything that have something to do with the very person i related.. besides that, the grief, sorrow, despair and anger in me were also expressed in it..
as everyone knows, this week was the last week of school for the year of 2008, and it will never return, only serves as a legacy in the meories of all...
the elven queen is a torture to many, as on the pretext of "next year we might not have enough time, we mus rush through some topics for form 5", she made up draw straight lines and graphs, as well as calculating equation of lines.. no harm for that, all right, but one must be lazy for a few days before one can really relax in the holidays, can't she just understand our needs?
anyway besides the elven queen herself, practically there were no lessons throughout the week (except lessons of the pearl if you want to count) hence many of us resorted to other games, most notably chessand cards. one interesting note is that on thursday i was playing cards with the archduke and 2 other girls, and all of a sudden the elven queen entered the class, which means we were caught in the act.. (ouch!)
fortunately she said nothing, only this conversation went on...
"if playing for fun then it's ok.. no playing with $$"
"teacher, we don't gamble with $$, we only play for fun.."
"then good, ask the prefects whether is it allowed or not.." (by right it is forbidden)
"no need.."
"why?"
"very simple, cause there are already 2 prefects playing with us already.."
she left the class rather speechless, only we had to promise her not to gamble with money at anytime. as one know, i myself is not a gambler at any rate, but why she suspect me as though as i'm one... i have no idea at all, since it is a proven theory that the minds of females are difficult to understand (while the minds of males are nearly impossible to comprehend..)
how will you feel if you are denied of something within sight, whether direct or indirect? it seemed to me that too many people advised me not to think of it, as it is driving me mad, extremely mad... there are times where people approached me and told me not to trust certain people (though of late it is targeted against one, with three of the five agreed) again i thought of this issue, under what terms can one hold a relationship true. trust? no longer, as people nowadays are so cunning that they can deceive you without you even knowing. respect? perhaps, and i shall really take it into consideration. straight? a most important criteria, as anyone who attempted to tell something by twist and turning can be suspected as trying to cheat or deceive..
in fact, the term "deny" i have seen too many times, from defense of the ancients to the denying of people of late, it is surely driving me out of reason and logic.. true enough, i'm aware that conservative and ruthless i am, with a flame too unpredictable which have the tendency to inflict big damage in terms of the feelings of others... so it is an ordinary response to ordinary people to deny me of almost everything...
i have to admit, that i do not show my feelings easily to others, nor i'm soft to anyone. i occlude my own thoughts and feelings deep within me, unwilling to share it with everyone lest betrayal occurs, and this is the part where people could never understand -- while the skin protects the corporeal body from the extremities of weather and heat, so as the mind occludes the deepest and darkest thoughts deep within to protect the ethereal soul from being hurt...
for long it has protected me from the greatest harms one can inflict, shielded me from being shattered both corporeally and ethereally. however of late, in the advice of the elven queen i started to bridge the minds of different ideologies and thoughts so as to embark on a diplomacy with people.. yet my different thoughts and eccentric styles do not make the beidging perfect, and as a result a rift always appears... is it a wonder now?
another theory that has been tested long by me is that "girls will not like guys who are not bad in nature". after observations for almost the whole year, i found out that it is somehow true... just observe those who are usually up to some sort of mischief, they tend to be very popular with the opposite gender. besides this, coolness and ability to commit mutual bridging of minds served as a decisive factor as well. it is proven and i actually discussed it with the elven queen months before, however she disagreed,
"i disagree with you, take me as an instance, i dislike guys who are bad or mischievous or even evil... i prefer those who are kind-hearted, considerate, understanding... why subject yourself to torture by trying to win the heart of a guy who is evil in nature?"
i don't understand also, and i'm in an attempt to answer this question convincingly to my own conscience. perhaps it will not be answered in a short time, no one will know. frankly who bothers to think of it.... but ne thing i have to remember, there is a generation gap betwen the elven queen and myself, and any thoughts in regards of these issues surely will have conflict and rifts in within, as two minds can hardly agree in unison in this, as the minds are influenced by the social norm of their respective times, it is different in her time compared to now... perhaps i will need to ask anyone of you here for answers ultimately..
and, before i end my note here, there is one thing i just want to say -- the first chapter of the story has been posted last night, for those who want to read it, or just want to know, here is the link: www.fivespires.blogspot.com if you happened to read it, kindly comment on it so that i can improve on it, as well as refining my writing skills to a higher degree -- the archknight, 15th november 2008, 4.36p.m.
November 08 of the ceremony of graduation of the form 5 seniorsthird time of this year... for wht? the answer is simply obvious, as one can see it at my heading -- the third time to feel the word of "sundering".. the leaving of the seniors... whom i have seen since i was form 1. they are just one year my senior, and yet when they actually leave.. it is so difficult to describe with words alone...
even though some of them i begrudged during the different time frames throughout the last 4 years, yet at the end of this frame i discovered that there is no such thing as true grudges.. as all are true to each other in terms of a friend, nothing less, nor nothing more... thus when i came down to watch the ceremony on thursday, as a tribute to my own memory i took down as many photos of them as possible, since it is ten to one that i will not see them again throughout my life (unless it's fated)
however i sensed something different in them. even though it is a graduation ceremony which actually means sundering among each other is inevitable, there was no sign of grief or any kind of regrets.. perhaps they had their best memories of lightwaves for their 5 years of relation. they were rather happy, full of joy when they took the photo with their classmates or friends even though they knew it full well that it may be the last photo they take together... perhaps they know the concept, that with true memories in the heart, the legacy of their friends shall live forever in their hearts, and not even the high winds of time can erase it.
it also gave me a countdown moment -- in a year's time it will be my turn to feel the sundering among friends. how would it feel? as it has not happened yet, no point answering the question now. however, can i withstand tthe grief that comes when the ceremony adjourns?
long have i thought since thursday, and the answer that came to me is that.. i can't. why? just imagine myself seperating with friends of mine, it is surely unbearable. and this is also with an ordinary friends to whom i harbored no great love or care toward.. thus if i am to leave the order of the five behind, i think i'll cry... it is not for me to withstand such a strong emotion in which i know no point hiding it, as said by the elven queen months before, "you will feel better if you cry.."
the high winds of time flipped its wings too fast, that i cannot catch up with its pace.. however at the least i understand that i have one year's time to accomplish and complete whatever things that i should do for the others ere the inevitable arrives.. 400 days left if you want to include the spm period next year, which equal to 9600 hours... and within this time period one can heal the damage, or cause further damage to a person...
i got to admit, throughout the 1406 days since i entered this secondary school, even though i befriended many, yet i hurt the feelings and shattered the hearts of equally many as well... together owing the hearts of many. the order of the five are often my support for the ethereal part of myself, yet i raged at them as often as i could... taking them for granted. it is of one thing in which i couldn't suppress, but fortunately for me they are the one who can really fathom my thoughts and they helped me all the times, even in the darkest tides... with this one year i take oath that i shall treat them as good as i can, more than the others.
besides the order of the five, there are a few others in which ifelt that i owed them... with the remaining 400 days i shall attempt to counter-balance it... the one i felt most obligated to counter-blance is the one incident in which i felt guilty is that incident in which i defied my own principles and did the unforgivable. that incident is still fresh in my wave of memory, serving as a sharp mirror to my darker nature, and i have failed to forgive myself for doing that. with a photo as the evidence and "memorial", i kept reminding myself not to give in to my own heart anymore, but to listen to reason and logic... even though i was forgiven right after that incident, i naturally felt obligated not to shatter the heart anymore, and i will ensure this... (and ironically i failed for another time, in a will to express my own prowess.. ) that i will never take others as a shield of arrows to pave way for my own mastery and knowledge...
i got to personally agree, that the elven queen is kind beyond reckoning... i was in trouble yesterday in order to get my things done and get away from it... yet i couldn't. just when i thought all is too late and lost, she came to my help -- lending me the help i greatly needed, with a promise that i return the favor one day... she instantly agreed, and got me out of trouble (i think the archduke will know what im referring to) a great counsellor, a great savior, a great teacher, a great mentor and ultimately a great friend... i think most of you will agree in this..
as time is so constraint that i have to finish my moral work, thus i will adjourn my note here, but not before a notice.. the story of mine will be posted of the first chapter on the 14th or 15th of november.. the link will be posted on my next post, which will be on the next saturday about this time, or slightly earlier.
and by the way, this weekend marked the 16th birthday of two person, one is the high master, while the other is the viscountess. the former on today, while the latter is tomorrow... thus as a friend of the both of you, with my truest wishes i wish the both of you, "happy 16th birthday!!"
"when memories come to you as a reflection of the past, do not fear it when the memory reflects your darkest times. instad, embrace it and serve it as a reference for the future. when it comes and reflects the sundering, remember the world is round and whenever one embarks on a straight journey he will ultimately reutrn. the waves of emories is eternal, the high winds of time can never fully erase the marks of it, it can only blur the markings. thus, hold true to your memories, as they are the truest freinds inethereal terms to you..." -- the archknight, 8th november 2008, post adjourns 8.26 p.m. November 01 of the voice of the high master and the sounds of objectionhave one ever wondered besides the use of speech and language as a mean to communicate and express our own feelings, is there any other means to do so? for long i've thought of this, and i deemed that nothing else could do that.. yet, as i encountered certain different individuals.. i thought that it was otherwise..
of late i read an essay of the high master in regards of someone who influenced his life, and even though it is not perfect in terms of language, the truth and touching moments in it will surely soften the core of a person.. i sighed, even gone soft though usually i won't... the words indirectly expressed grief, gratefulness, lamenting the destiny that has befallen... even though the score was not that high.. it is a worthy attempt to express a true feeling -- true to the heart, true to the mind, true to the soul...
among some of his words greatly riled my mind... "... relatives has said that i have robbed of all my brother's intelligence..." or "..he cannot speak, hence unable to express his own feelings.." it came to me that although many of these cases have been reported, the high master's case is the only one that i actually seen in face, hence able to feel the similar feeling as he did, (though not exact) why would others envy him for being intelligent and who has the power to deprive or deny a person of his privileges?
sometimes we blame others or any external factors for such a state of affairs.. but did we ever ask ourselves -- did they make the choice or decision to be like that for eternity?? they do not have the choice at all, it is the hand of destiny that shaped the fates and doom of all, with no exceptions... and yet some of the humans are so unethical to the extent of discriminating them.... as a chinese proverb mentioned beforehand, "always God will grant challenge or hardships to an individual as trials in order to prepare him or her for future missions", we by right, should not complain of our own current affairs, but be grateful to it, as not everyone are this "privileged", and use this gift from God to help the others who are less fortunate...
at the end of his essay i was rather touched.. only stopped short of shedding tears.. such was the sentence, "...to be fortunate as to have best friends in the school to communicate with, as well as......... (at the end) if i am given the chance, i will share the knowledge and intelligence with..." so selfless.... so willing to give.. at last i know that certain relationships are true to all who are involved in it, with no restrictions...
if words can be used to express true feelings from a heart, then voices can also be used to express the feelings and opinions for people... as of late, many people greatly objected of my current stance towards certain perceptions.... with reasons of their own, and some are even logical and reasonable enough..
i) "your perceptions are sometimes incomprehensible to the others..." -- the elven queen
ii) "the eccentricity of the mind will effectively scare others from sight" -- the archbishop
iii) "no point making yourself suffer more than you need to, as signs of denial are very apparent to you, that you are not the chosen one" -- the judge
iv) "there is always a time to talk explicitly of these things, but it is strictly not the time now.... don't narrow down your scope" -- a forgotten quote
out of doubt and confusion i sought the elven queen for guidance...
"You are indeed generous.. but do you ever think or expect that it will be reciprocated? Because if not, you are the one who are going to suffer after all.."
"I do not ever expect..."
"Are you sure? Think again..."
as i thought again... actually it is still the case, thus i told her accordingly...
"sometimes you have to close an eye when dealing with things, a blade too straight will never do, as it will hurt or injure a person directly... you will have to be indirect at times.. so as not to let people get humiliated... anyway, you have to open your own mind a bit, as i noticed that others cannot truly comprehend your mind and sight.. eventually when this rift widens, they'll resolve to automatically shut down their insights..."
"it is true that is the case.. however certain times one will need to defend his own mind from being influenced.."
"still i couldn't understand you, why on earth will you help others when you know it very well that they will not reciprocate or return the favor, and even take the advantage on you? as i said before, you can help everyone and be kind to all, but do not bother those who attempted to take advantage on you at any rate.. you torture youself only.."
torturing ownself? i have never thought of it at all... let alone discussing it. of all the friends i have, the order of the five are the only ones i can really trust upon... and they are indeed hinest and straight enough, unlike some people who will deceive and backstab others for their own ends... to such an extent that the elven queen said to me, "you are considered very lucky to have people true to you, brave enough to give advice without fear at all.."
finally she asked me this, "why will you still wait in patience even when you know you are denied of your tower?"
"....because it is not the nature of the archknight to give up easily. The strength and fire in me will guide me through everything I encountered, even the most dire ones..."
"You will know eventually, that strength is not everything...."
probably it will ultimately come true, but at the moment.. forget about it... by the way, i will soon begin to post the story "The Legend of the Order: A Tale of the Spires" very soon, perhaps next week... i will provide the link earlier beforehand, and do comment about it.. as for the photos which some requested for the moral work.. it might be in my photo albums, check out the latest 2... (or even some earlier ones)
and by this note, i make my retreat, the next post will come on the 8th november...
written by the archknight, 1st november 2008, 4.25p.m. July 26 the symphony of grief, agony and depressionin fact, this week was rather eventful, especially if you want to count the celebration of the elven queen pn.khoo’s 53rd birthday on the 26th july… she is so dedicated in our tutelage, to such an extent that we decided to honor her for one day to appreciate her teachings, that is through a celebration of her birthday. I will not narrate the entire event here as other people or even you all would have taken the credit of narrating it. instead i resolved to tell a story: which is a symphony of grief, pain, agony and depression. besides being our maths and add maths teacher, pn.khoo is also somehow indirectly my mentor in ways of life, as well as a councilor, who will answer my doubts to the utmost confidence.. (i know that this is getting a bit too much, but this is the truth) recently the warmth of sunlight has somehow diminished, and this has caused the light of the moon to be diminished of her grace as well. i looked, and somehow i felt that there is no warmth left in my own eyes, the sudden change of the weather has caused illness to arise, and it nearly struck me… coupled up with the ceremony of appointment of the prefects and such… it deals grievous pain to me, and i felt the urge to breach my eye barrier. yet, i thought of her – pn.khoo at the last minute, one who can answer my doubts, and so i resolved to converse with her in private. “It is sometimes good for guys to cry, but if you are scared that your friends will actually laugh at you, then do it secretly.” “It is true that we are somehow taught that guys must be more powerful than others, but for mat salleh, they don’t seem to mind at all…” "You shouldn't get yourself too excited easily, and you must try to talk slower. You are aware of your weakness, thus try to take control of it." these words are said to me. i narrated to her about my plight, which has plagued me for days and torturing me with intense agony. to make matters worse, the agony is not corporeal, but ethereal, hence unable to be touched at all… and so i told her about it, regarding things which are somehow corroding my senses. In reply she said to me, “If you truly liked a person, then you must show your best qualities to him or her. Helpfulness and kindness are the two best qualities that man can possess. Do use it wisely and try to comply to the request of your friends should they need help. However, if you think that you are not appreciated, then you should think of not bothering to help them the next time.” not appreciated? somehow i feel so, as i have thought deep, that some people like the enchantress took the advantage of using me. the best part was that, when there is anything in hand, they will use me for help, and that is even if they wanted to. If there is nothing, who cares of what i think? as the conversation went on, I narrated more and more of my story, and she gave me another few words, “To tell the truth, I somehow disagree with your theory of “girls won’t like guys who are not bad at all”, even though many agree that it is true. I, for one, never like it. If you like her, then you must know of what she likes, then work hard, strive to contain the quality in you.” upon saying this, she stopped, as though as she knew that she went a bit overboard, then she continued, “In this time of your life, do not narrow your sight down to only one or two. Make a variety of friends, the more the merrier. What is the point of torturing yourself with such matters? Remember that at your age, knowledge and studies matters the most. “ i instantly agreed, to me actually this doesn’t matter. what i worry more is of the archbishop’s case, whose relation is now coming to the brink of endgame… he came to me this morning, and he told me that his heart is near to being shattered. reason? his g/f somehow seemed to have “ditched” him or any word similar to it, and he feels so hurt as though as he got the impression that his g/f is a playgirl… i have been observing them for some time, and i deemed that the archbishop’s devotion is actually both admiration and the desire to defend his beloved from whtever harm that may come. noble is the intent, and his devotion was reciprocated, and so it blossomed throughout the first half of this year, together with some other couples… thus when i heard this news, i was totally shocked. never did i expect that things will come to such a mess… his heart was so painful, and he asked me for a way of solution… well, my answer will be that (if you are reading this, it is of my mind) : “regardless of what you think, as if you can still feel the pain, it simply means that your devotion is still there. I will take the same theory from pn.khoo, ‘try to know what she truly likes and work from there’. As I know, her birthday is drawing nigh, thus try to think of something in which you can touch her heart and win back the affection. However, should you fail, you have to get over with it as fast as possible. Try the thought: ‘To love a person is not through possession, and if she is happy of it then let it be. Obviously you will want to see her happy, and will never hope that you win the person but not the heart.’ “ the conclusion of this matter? somehow i can say that he should avoid persisting things that he know very well that he cannot hold it within his grasp anymore, for as a student, there are much more important things for him to deal with, even though deep in my heart, i personally wished that he can win back her affection… by the way, many of us are appalled by the archduke’s rhetoric, saying to the judge that “talking above love and romantic issues are not good for students at the moment”. the judge listened meekly, and yet ironically, out of all the five, he is now the one “progressing” the furthest, up to the extent of travelling somewhere with the family of his…. (no point saying it, all knew of it) as a result, now im so vindictive of it that i now put vinegar to most of the food or rather most of the dishes I eat now… maybe I cared too much, maybe I thought too much, but for the case of the archduke… it doesn’t matter to me anyway, as long as i can get a wedding invitation card from the couple that time…
written by the archknight, 26th july 2008, 9.55p.m. July 14 of the "big" matters and thoughts of griefthe first three days of the past week is actually uneventful, unless if you want to count the visit to tv3... wednesday, a day of excitement. the reason? there was a debate going on during english lesson, and the issue in question is: havign a gf/bf is disastrous to teenagers, which caused a great amount of interest between us. it saw 2 groups sending wave after wave of statements to bothdefend their own stand and as well destroying the opposition's grounds... it also saw everyone worked hard to give out at least a point for their own group, as sweets were given out for every statement spoken. i particularly salute the conclusion from the archduke, in which after a long silence throughout the year, the teachers at last were able to hear his voice spaking out his own opinions. in addition, we were allowed to give out our own judgements regarding the matter, as a journal writing was given... although the verdict was "equally matched", we actually gained a lot of knowledge regarding the matter... thursday saw some bad news, as pn.hasliza told us that we were going to discuss our plans for the 2nd bm oral test, which everyone disliked. i was put into charge of a drama and now having a hard time dealing with it, in face of the lackadaisical attitude of the 5... in fact, of all the group presentation that we are bound to watch the next week, the one group of debate is the one i am most interested in...for 2 reasons. the 1st is that, i am always very fascinated in the ways of debating, although i still do not know their issue. the second reason... i will leave it to all of you people to guess out, apparently you all will know it immediately... now i know, even though when something is done, there is always other things in store for us to deal with. thus we must be forever vigilant against the "surprise atks" from the teachers... friday, our mood wee spoiled for the whole day as en.amran, the pkbp teacher, walked on to the stage and admonished us for no apparent reason. for 14 minutes of time length he admonsihed us regarding our complaints regarding the difference between normal students and the pkbp ones... he was so enraged that all of us can hear wht he actually said without a mic, the mic apparently was there just to amplify his already loud voice... then pn.margaret walked up the stage and further reprimanded us regarding the detriorating discipline. not knowing wht has happened, until pn.khoo elven queen gave us the revelation of it... 2 things happened yesterday... first, an ex-student somehow inadvertantly parked his car right at the parking lot of the principal, which was sensitive issue for her (for some unknown reason it seems). apparently when she came back to school from a meeting, she found out that her parking lot was occupied. in fit of rage she parked her car right in front of it, effectively obstructing the car from getting out.... the ex-student, now enraged, went to the office and shouted at everyone there... he did not hearken to any advice given to him, and when the principal refused to give in by moving her car away with the pretext of being busy at the moment... he was so angered that he threatened to bang her car. now is the turn for the principal to get angry, and she resolved to lodge a police report. still the ex-student was obstinate, even when he saw the police patrol car in front of him. the teachers pleaded him to give in, and all they wanted was that he apologise to the principal. initially he refused, but when he was further persuaded only he gave in, and apologized grudgingly... thus ending the conflict 2nd issue, some form 2 students took the advantage of teacher's absence and entered another class, and they did something just short of "gangraping" or "sodomy". why is it so? they somehow (according to pn.khoo) they stripped the boy's shirt, trousers and etc.. until that "the way to the throne is nearly clear". she did not explain this matter with an explicit manner, much to our disappointment, but she said that the guys were somehow suspended for a few days.... the archknight's remark on these matters: sometimes most of us, when involved in some kind of conflict, refused to give in due to our dignity. we will somehow feel "no face" should we do so. actually there is no need to feel so, as sometimes laying down our pride provides us a way of retreat. if we know that we are indeed wrong in the first place, then we should give in and apologise, no harm on doing that, but you will actually earn respect from everyone, including your adversaries... of the "gangraping" issue, the hearts of teenagers it seems, are more and more difficult to discern of their thoughts. i myself is a teenager as well, and thus suspectible to various influences that clouds my judgement. with the advent of tv shows from the western countries which mainly promotes coolness, violence, and all those not supposed to be exposed to teenagers, as well as adult books & movies, 3rd degree shows and movies etc. actually corrupted their minds to the core... to such an extent that they can do such things without feeling remorse in them.. it is of no wonder that pn.khoo said before: humans are actually of beast-like nature, it is suppressed due to knowledge and wisdom, and should we forsake it, our monstrous nature will once again prevail and we will lose our humanity, and ultimately our sanity will be scoured.... as said beforehand, i am also a teenager, thus is no exception of the rule. though i wield high degree of knowledge and wisdom, there are still times in which it fails to control my desires and lust, and i did something inacceptable, deragotary, rude, foolish and such.. (in reference of the misdeed i committed on the 24th of may 2008, you will know better).. back to the tale... later pn.nadatul explained to us another shocking story: the reasn of en.amran's anger this morning... apparently pn.nadatul spoke to him regarding the rules, in which all must abide. this includes the ban of usage of handphones, in which en.amran refused to hearken to it. the arguments worsened, and eventually pn.nadatul dared en.amran to walk up to the stage and state that pkbp students are entitled to several privileges, such as coming late to school, usage of handphones and such... much to the anger of other students... as it was of this reason that pn.nadatul actually consulted en.amran in the first place, and the outcome was not only he, as the head of pkbp yet subordinate to pn.nadatul in disciplinary matters, refused to hearken to the advice, but insisted in that pkbp students, though still obliged to abide the rules, is entitled to certain privileges.. thus that morning he stood on the stage and admonished us for 14 minutes....... i thought of this matter once again: many people dislike pn.nadatul as the discipline teacher, including me, however how many of us actually knew the stress of this job? she strived to adhere to her principles, which is trying to be fair towards everyone, and thus to appease the discontentment of many students regarding pkbp students' usage of handphones and other things that we are normally not allowed to do such as coming late to school, she actually discussed with en.amran regarding the matter and enraged the latter. how many discipline teachers actually will go to such extents for the sake of us ??? and yet we are ingrateful of her best efforts, from the guarding of the school gate to prevent the students to escape "illegally" from cocurriculum activites, to catching students talking during assembly, she did her best to maintain the discipline in the school, despite our complaints, curses and so... as said before, how many discipline teachers will actually do that ? that's why when lady carrine the viscountess said in her blog that pn.nadatul is going to transfer to ipoh, (i knew of this matter beforehand, but she gave a detailed explaination, refer to her blog for it... credit goes to her) i was shocked, remorse came to me... her best efforts of maintaining discipline in school was mocked by many people, including me. we cursed, mocked, and shown our disrespect to her.... and despite all this, she was undaunted, and continued carrying out her duties as though as nothing happened, i felt ashamed of my own foolishness.... as for en.amran's stand, one must know his reason of his rage. as the archpriestess has said to me before, "there are always things you cannot assume at all, investigate first before you accuse me of anything i did" (it still etched in my mind, though said 18 months before). en.amran's sudden rage surprised us all, though not without reason. first, he was standing at the welfare of pkbp students, who are impaired physically and mentally, thus unable to carry out activities normally like we do. in order to ease their distress and situation, the rules are somehow not as strict as the rules are on us (the privileges), although they are still students of smkdp and are obliged to abide the school rules still. so when pn.nadatul asked en.amran to ban the usage of handphones for pkbp students, he will actually think that she is stripping them of their easiest way of communication.... secondly, some of us are not content with all these "privileges", and compared themselves with the pkbp students. this is actually madness, and before i continued discussing on why this is madness, i will want to define that to compare, one must have 2 things of similar traits with a just view of comparison, or else comparison is utterly impossible.... from this definition perhaps some will tell me, that they are both human, but have different levels of intelligence and strength… this is where comparison is utterly impossible, the just view of comparison rule... in this case, there are differences in which it can vary in accordance to different points of view, which will ultimately rendered the comparison obsolete, as many of us compare in a biased manner.... (kindly please comment in this particular section, as i desire to improve my ways of defining certain words)
he was so enraged because he perceived that we, who have a complete body and self, still being ungrateful by comparing the privileges of the pkbp students whom they are by right entitled with. we don't need it because we can have many alternatives in dealing with certain matters, and yet some of us seek to be as imperfect as the pkbp students are by questioning it. obviously he is angry with it..... may those people think about it carefully
as said, my mood for the rest of the day was spoiled, and that night i went to the night market alone, without expecting to meet anyone i know. howver, fate somehow will create wonders of its own, i met pn.khoo with her vegetable trolley behind, and she asked me for the reason of wandering alone, and i answered that im just bored... we talked for a while and we took different paths...
recently, i have been setting my sights upon the relationship matters once again, hoping to understand, define, analyse, interpret and finally make a conclusion out of it, and somehow i was blessed by a pair of eyes with the mind of discerning meanings through an image, act or happenings, and some asked me, that won't i get myself hurt when i know the truth, especially regarding things about the archpriestess.... i answered,
"If you have been expecting something like this all the while, it will leave little impact on you, but when this comes unexpectedly, it will shatter your heart, just as it nearly breaks mine. Thus I resolved to hide everything deep in my mind, only the 5 will know it... "
at least now my mind is protected, but now i become very vindictive of whtever relationships within my sight, especially when it is in close distance... some im not interested in, some i paid close attention, but to all i will only say 1 thing, which is i pray that their relationship can last for a long time...
then one asked me again, "wht about you and her, the one in the north, or the one in the eye?"
doesn't matter anymore, i behold the archpriestess as though as she is one of the 5, and towards the one in the north, i perceived her as my mentor. coupled up by the forbidden order from my father, i can now forget about it... though sometimes when there is full moon above the sky, i will think of the archpriestess, and when i listened to the song "a song of storm and fire" or when it's raining, i will think of the holy guardian, who dwells in the north...
and before i end this, i sincerely hope that all can cease to discriminate pn.nadatul and en.amran, wht they do is actually for the welfare of the students....
written by the archknight, 14th july 2008, 8.10p.m. July 06 of the 1st week of the 2nd half year of 2008a hundred and seven and eighty days has gone past, and today marks the beginning of the 2nd week of july. the past week was somehow full of anxiety, concern and fun, in which the reasons will be explained below...
i revealed sth on the last day of june right after school to some ppl, in which i said to them: there are always places where i cannot be there all the time, and to devote sth is not equivalent to possession, as there are many others who can serve as better defenders... reason for me to say that? quite an obvious one: sometimes in my sight of sth which i locked my sight on, i tend to miss out other things that are moving about everywhere, and thus causing myself to miss out some of the important knowledge. thus, i desired to let go and end my agonizing feel, yet somehow this is difficult...
this entire week is full of anxiety, as said above. the reason? this is due to the malay and english oral tests, which came on the same time, most of us (except those who done one of the tests beforehand) do not have sufficient time to be fully-prepared in face of both... this is where efficiency and time management actually matters, in which many of us (including myself) do not use it to the fullest extent...
as for me, i decided to charge towards both of the tests head-on and score a double kill... equipped with my knowledge towards issues of street demonstrations and my somehow "gifted" reflexes, coupled with confidence... i resolved to "tackle" the malay oral test before i face the english one, as it was an individual work.. though nervous, i somehow managed to say wht i intended to say, without anything in my hand... and somehow the score is not bad, though not as good as the elven guardian angeline, who scored 38/40 if im not mistaken...
the english oral this time is pair work, and many funny performances such as the self-lover and high king's "who wants to be a millionaire", the dark lord and the black lord's "koffee with reshan", the environmental exhibition by the high priest and the count, the arguments of the handphones by the archpriestess and the archmage.. just to name a few of the good ones (the pictures are uploaded here... )
2nd of july also marked our strong-will when comes to defending our own stand of opinions, in which under the suggestion of miss sheila, we had a small debate regarding teenagers who tend to talk to either their friends or parents/adults more... both sides have strong points to attack and defend, and all got so excited until the situation nearly got out of control...
a day after the fun debate... came the scary part of the week.. dissction of a chicken. omg, all these rather disgusting things happened when pn.wong the biologist split us into 2 groups, as there were 2 chickens awaiting their "terrible fate"... hui mum did the dissection for our group, while reshan black lord did for the other... many of us kept a distance between ourselves and the chicken, some even covered thier noses when the smell of the chicken was getting unbearable...
from here i can make a conclusion: while most of us have no hard feelings or rather signs of hindrance or avoidance when we devour the flesh and meat of chicken, fishes and such, it is an irony to say that when come to the looking of the internal organs of these animals, most of us lacked the supposingly scientific attitude to study the functions and structure of organs, instead we kept our distance....
not much to be said for friday except the experiment to determine the electrolyte... en.safie the chem master told us that we were to use lead(II) bromide for the experiment. actually this is not the point, the point is that: he stated that lead (II) bromide can cause sterility (or mandul in malay) due to its poisonous nature. this caused an excitement towards the class... for some reason, we are interested when coming to issues like reproductive issues, carrying of bloodlines and so on...
i returned from a "visit" at the millineum tower yesterday... actually it was both an orientation to the newcomers and the 3rd quarter meeting of kmcc for the year 2008.. this quarter meeting, however, possessed a great significance towards the hearts of many: han, the great "mentor" of the club, after serving as its president for 2 and a half years, will finally leave us to further his studies... a card was written, a cake was cut, a photo was taken, but none can dwarf the significant meaning of this sundering, in which what chance we stand to see him again after this?? none can answer for me...
a verse of my regards to him (though he wont be seeing this):
though not even a year i've known you,
nor you know me any longer than that,
but you have came to know me,
in a different manner from others who perceived me,
you may treat me as your good buddy,
however i looked upon you as a mentor and a brother,
the sundering today, thoguh not eternal,
will be a long time indeed before we next meet,
thus i stand here, hereby wish you,
that the grace of the light shines upon you,
no matter where you are...
i fear i'll cry if i tarry on, thus i end this...
written by the archknight, 6th of uly 2008, 2.11p.m. June 28 of the matters of the entire weekeveryday seemed to have a joke of its own.. why so? the reason is very obvious, everyday there is always sth happening that can make most of us laugh at.
this week somehow seemed to be a special week, everyday of this particular week got sth for us to pay attention to....
doom bringer, angel of death, death goddess, shinigami, life breaker are the words i used to describe pn.ting, the chinese teacher... and wht happened on monday was somehow a bit related to her. right after the "hari koperasi event" (which has nothing worth of significance.. the photos are uploaded to the photo album here...), about one third of the class had gone down to the science lab to do sth, or rather in preparation for the event the next day (will be described later).
it lasted for almost half a day, until even after school. due to the unfinished work, the high master, the archbishop and i decided to request leave from pn.ting, with the prequisite of me doing my presentation. thus we agreed, and after my presentation we went down to continue our "supposed" work again...
now come the funny part, the work ended at 3.30pm, and the three of us decided not to go to class, as we knew the unpredictable temper of pn.ting, which can be very scary indeed if incurred, added up with the pretext of the class was going to be over soon... and thus we hid ourselves in the closed hall, far away from her sight, and played paper planes together...
one may think that we were being childish or so by playing paper planes, however actually it was not so. we were studying the concept of aerodynamics and the paper planes were a useful tool. in addition, these were needed later...
after a while, we left... at the same time constantly on the watch, our vigilance is due to the sudden surprise "atk" from pn.ting, whomk we thought was wrathful towards us for not coming (she had a scary way of threatening ppl). we hid at the bus stop, squatted down.. for fear of being spotted... now we knew: abstain urself from being absent to class, even if u r in an errand... her wrath is scary to rip ur minds apart
the science fair on the 24th is naturally a big event for many of us. gathered up in the lab at around 7 in the morning, we prepared ourselves in our respective stations... though not without funny things.... a balloon flew up to the ceiling and did not burst, though it flew right above the fan, someone jumped up and managed to get it down....
the event officially commenced at the strike of 8, and students from various classes arrived one after another, to witness the wonder of science and its concept behind. naturally, the "hotspots" were the dissection part, inertia corner and the blood test... many of them gathered round to see the "pro" performances, to such an extent that it was almost impossible to take pictures, coz ppl surrounded the scene from all sides, some were even so desperate, and they stood on top of the table to watch... (photos attached as well)
throughout the day there were many funny things and candid pictures taken, with one of them targeted towards the archduke and the archduchess (M&M).. also many funny accidents (the archduke broke the 1st egg and caused a stench lingering around the lab for hours)
towards the end, we cleaned up the entire place and pictures were, as usual, taken... after that, the science fair for this year adjourns...
next comes the singing competition, or rather the audition,in which many were interested at... one by one were called in, and they came out after a few moments, without the outsiders knowing wht's going on inside... and the best part, few days later we knew that the archduke was selected as one of the finalists...
the 3rd day of the week proved a bigger surprise to us, pn.margaret entered the class with her new "protege" -- miss sheila, who will be our eng teacher for about 12 weeks... that day there was a lesson about sentences with cause and effect and we were divided into groups to "challenge" each other of their understanding of the topic, with the teachers served as the judges... after a short "duel", miss sheila posed an "ultimate" question... and my group prevailed over the others, and thus led the scoreboards.. leaving the others in a not-so-happy mood...
sometimes a twist of fate really decides our fate, such as in this, in which we may never know who will prevail in the end of the day...
the presentation of "sonnet 18" came on thursday, and one of the biggest jokes of this month happened... the viscount had somehow absent-mindedly did not zip up his pants, leaving the "gate to the world tree" or rather "coffee shop" wide open to eyes of other people.. and thus all of us laughed throughout their presentation. the performance was somehow very gay, with all the guys doing all sorts of funny things (like the dark lord pivin 'proposing' to his close friend or the mamak boss hugging the high master... and more)
finally, when all the groups had presnted and we were awaiting for the "verdict", the unexpected happened... all the best performances of the individual parts were claimed by guys, which came to my mind in a meaning of: guys are more straight-forward and expressive in their feelings and emotions, without any great restriction. they are brave enough to try out their thoughts and ideas, without fear of being condemed... (no offense to the others, it is just my own thoughts).
somehow pn.margaret asked a question to the entire class: wht will be ur reaction, should someone asked you "shall i compare thee to a summer's day?" which left many bewildered looks... as for me, i think that it is quite unexpected and surprising to ever get to listen to such words, as ppl nowadays no longer used this old-fahioned words or language... nonetheless, i did not answer that question truthfully, for fear of getting laughed at by some ppl. the answer in my heart was: i will be stunned, surprised, bewildered, confused should someone asked me sth like this, though it is unlikely given that ppl has shunned the use of words like this long ago. i am awaiting someone to ask this right in front of me, albeit without any hope of coming true... i dare not speak out my true answer, and thought of another one was a means to again protect myself and keeping my mind from being shattered...
what will you do if you managed to get a tuition teacher whose skills are even noober than you are? this somehow happened on 3 guys. they were the count, the black lord and the dark lord... they narrated about their experiences about their almost 2-hour long tuition with their tuition teacher who said to them: "i can finished all 11 chapters of maths within a day.." end up?? according to them, he managed to solve only a few questions in an average time of 30 minutes per question... even better was that when they asked him the way of doing the question, the reply they got was "actually i also dunno how to solve this.." wth?! it is of no wonder or surprise that they requested a change of tuition teacher after 2 hours... i will do the same should i encountered sth similar... the entire affair has left the entire class, including pn.khoo the elven queen laughing like mad, and temporarily thrown the ogives and statistics out of our minds for a while...
as a conclusion, sometimes stories like this can serve as a means of entertainment, to relieve people of their pressure and stress, especially for the people of 4s1, where everyday is a tough challenge for everyone who strived to keep their high grades intact, in response to the teachers' expectation and high esteem...
written by the archknight, 28th june 2008, 3.34p.m. June 21 of the open day and the sighting of people long not seenyesterday was the open day, and as usual, parents are required to come in person to school to collect the report books of their children (which is somehow quite annoying...hehe). an advantage to us as there are no studies to be done that day, and we get to take our chessboards out to play...
i went down at about 9am, when a prefect told me that my mother was here... and i saw the elven queen pn.khoo sitting there, consulting some ppl for knowledges of the handphone... an unexpected sight, as one will consider an adult will know a handphone full well... nvr assume that it is so anymore...
after collecting my own report book, again my mother criticized me for not doing well in add maths and physics. at the same time, i saw the scene of the open hall, lots of parents came to collect the report books as well, which gives only 1 meaning: no matter how hard parents work for $$, the welfare and fates of their children is forever their priority...
i went home and shortly after i met jaryl self-lover at around 12 near the school, then we went somewhere, and conduct our plans...
3 hours later i left, and i was alone, wandering around in taman desa, waiting for the night market to begin its business... and as i walked past the house of a friend, i perceived a sight: a beam of light shining from the sky, while the storm clouds are everywhere... immediately i thought: hope is everywhere, even in the darkest places of the world, tears of the heavens may fall to us, but the light of the sun is a glory that will blaze across and kindle the hearts of everyone...
nonetheless, the weather has been getting unpredictable these days, though there were storm clouds all over the sky on yesterday afternoon, which means that rain will fall soon, it ended up no rain at all, but another hot afternoon.. wth?? even if the sky doesn't rain, dun be so unpredictable to the extent of giving us a hot afternoon...
still, the better part is behind. 4 hours later, when the sun has finally gone down beyond the horizon, and moonlight was dominating the night sky.. another strange thing happened, i met 2 people (both are female), who i somehow felt that they were familiar to my eyes... initially i thought they were the archpriestess and her mother came to the night market, however, wht actually turned out to be proves that my skill of recognizing people is very, very noob!!! only one i could recognize, and even this i doubted: the one with the red shirt is actually the elder sister of the archpriestess... the other one, cannot recognize at all..
even funnier, i met pn.khoo the elven queen again near the vegetable stall, where she was busy buying vegetables for dinner it seems. as usual, her son hit me again upon sight, until his mother chided him not to play on the road, in case of car banging him or so.... i then asked her where to get a pair of shoes in this entire place, and as expected... the answer: no idea.
sometimes fate does create events that one could nvr imagine, in no time i thought of encountering the elder sister of the archpriestess, and yet it happened to be so.. 7pm of the 20th june 2008... this is yet to be verified, as i'm not sure whether i really saw her, or otherwise, perhaps the archpriestess can answer my question on monday...
written by the archknight, 21st june, 4.40p.m. June 14 of deceit, concern, rumours and relationshipsthe results of the mid-year exam is out at last... and it is a bit of a disappointment to me, though it is not bad in overall. but the thing that make me furious is that, some ppl did not use honest ways to get their supposingly high marks during exam... this is not a joke or an empty statement, but something with proof and evidence.
why say so? the reason is obvious: about one-third of the class caught them.... ppl involved are like the sand king (shame on him) and his gang.. with some others as well (refer to the previous one for better reference)
among the evident ones are:
i) the dark lord and his friend brought the moral definitions into the class during moral examination. only to be spotted out and they didnt actually carried out their initial plan (good for them as they are protected from being caught by teachers)
ii) according to some ppl, there is a person who took less than 10 minutes to do the paper on her own, the rest of the time used to ask others for "help". wth?! if that's the case, i will rather give the whole paper for others to do it on my behalf... (though it's impossible)
iii) exchanging of answers among a group or bunch of people, evident during papers which involves structured or essay questions. this will help the people involved to remember the required points or answers better. a fair trade?? dun think so, one may gain marks and respect, but will lose his or her morality..
iv) showing his or her paper in a deliberate manner, or by accident.. this one is actually the easiest way to do, and least likely will get caught, however if the person u intend to show is somehow has a not-so-good eyesight.... too bad
some of them are actually too kind hearted, they may not be directly involved in this "conspiracy", but they also helped these culprits by giving answers to them.
recently fears are increasing in a gradual manner, as the open day is drawing nigh. with each passing day, one will get himself or herself more and more worried, not only becoz of the results, but also the mouth of the elven queen. it is widely known to ppl that she is not a person who can keep secrets intact, and thus everything we have done, the whole world will know...
the biggest joke or rumour since the 2nd semester has begun occured yesterday, which involves the absence of the archbishop. a version of it said like this: he jumped down from 5s1, which is the 2nd floor. which is not impossible given that he had done it before.
another theory is that he jumped down a flight of stairs 7 steps away.. so high that he hurt himself.
no matter the theory, all agreed on 1 thing, which is he hurt his own leg and did not come to school yesterday. the moment when pn.khoo heard of this, the replies are (listed in below)..
i) "siao...(crazy)"
ii) "this kind of thing cannot joke, he may need to see a counsellor, for he may be undergoing stress or emotional problems"
iii) "his mother must be told"
iv) "how in the heavens he can do such a thing?"
v) "is it serious?"
all these replies clearly exhibited a kind heart within her, in which the elven queen is renowned for... although none of us liked her way of asking letters of absence
the recess of yesterday posed an even bigger surprise, which is (in my way of speaking) : it's time to profess ur love to someone or something on monday... the reason? we will be doing "sonnet 18" on monday, and we are required to do some research on the topic...
shortly after is lab cleaning during chemistry period, we were warmed up due to the labour-work during sivik period... all of us enjoyed ourselves, and some even "decorated" the whiteboard with great creativity... some even slammed dunk through the throwing of test-tubes into the bin, while some people like the viscount were getting themselves lazy by indulging themselves in a heated up chatting issue.
and again my eyes are at work, for a long period of time i saw the viscount attempting to get close towards the archpriestess, though up to wht extent im not sure, but one thing can be confirmed, that he is succeeding in whtever goals he conceived in mind, be it out of kind-heart, or diabolical, as she seems to "bridge up" the distance between both of them. this is obvious to the eyes of the majority....
and somehow i know, bridging up a distance doesn't mean anything... but if a high-level relationship is born through it, i will pray that it lasts...
written by the archknight, 14th june, 4.50p.m.
June 05 in regards of the fortnight of holidaysholy shoot.... times have indeed changed, if one is to compare things now with things 20 years ago, one will find that the prices of certain goods have risen to such extent that many people tried not to use it as often as possible, especially starting from today. why is it so? word from the PM: the prices of petrol, diesel and such will be increased by 78sen and 1 ringgit respectively. wth?! no idea to those on how to survive with their cars which need a constant fuel supply, the increase alone will let their wallets bleed dry!
nonetheless, this things are little of my concern. as i'm not eligible to use a car yet. still, i have my own tale to tell....
beginning on the 24th of may, there is a 2-week holiday that lasts until 8th of june (which is this sunday). it is a sign of relief to most people, as they indulge themselves in a typical american-dream style. it is also an agonizing thought when one started to think of the sundering of their friends, although it is just temporary.
not much happened throughout this fortnight, except for 2 days, which is the 26th and the 31st of may, these 2 days have things happened which brought to me a meaning so great that i choose to explain it extensively here.
26th may, it was a day when i went to the international book fair with a few of my friends. we met each other at 10am near the bus stop which is situated in front of our school. when the bus arrived, off we go all the way to the hub in pasar seni, which is in the heart of kl city. after reaching there, we then took the putra lrt to reach the kl convention centre, the place where the book fair is held.
on the way there, we discussed the recent results of the mid-year examination, and it was also on that time i found out certain truth that involves a group of people. who are the people i mentioned? the answer: the group of people who came from a different primary school...
i solemnly take oath that i hold no grudges nor negative intentions against these people, who some of them are my friends for years... but as they have a different background from us, our minds tend not to intersect in the same manner, nor is our mindset hold anything similar to theirs, and thus we are somehow estranged by this difference of thoughts and mindsets.
however, this truth was an agonizing one, it changed completely my sight and opinion towards them. according to the archduke, he stated that they got help from each other during exam times, and this is one of the reasons they can get high marks in their papers (this time may be the exception).... get help from each other?? it sounded like they did not complete their papers in an honest manner, and i refused to believe it..... until when i thought back, i found that he somehow got a point. (this will be exlained in the next post, when i have obtained the detailed explaination of this matter)
this truth brought a twofold message to me: to succeed and hold supremacy towards something, one must unite with others and trust in them, no matter to wht extent. the other one is: mankind has a selfish nature which corrupts the heart and mind of a person who embraces it, thus will resolve to do practically anything just to succeed in his goals, even through sacrificing the ones he beheld dear.... a reason on why man is so respected and revered and honoured, yet feared...
well, back to the point.. we reached the book fair at 11.30am, and the moment we entered, we were stunned... the place was so big, equivalent to 5-6 football fields. within it, there were all sorts of books from comics to non-fiction, history to literary works... and those books can be found in both chinese and english.
and due to this variety of books that i can choose from, i had a hard time to make my final choice. a book came into my hand, and i placed it back after a few moments. the decision was so hard to make until the judge cam to me and asked me to walk with him to assist him in search of a good book, since he thinks it is very remorseful of him not buying a book. he ultimately succeeded in his "quest"... and i bought 4 books as well.
after 2 and a half hours of book-surfing, we went for lunch at the food court. after that we knew that sth was not right, since rain was going to fall... this caught us a bit unprepared, and another message was discerned by me, which is: to avoid caught unprepared, one must be always in vigil towards everything around him, which i lacked...
the funny thing and unexpected happened later, while the high master was buying train tickets to go back, we met the elven queen pn.khoo and her son... it was quite a nasty shock for me, as her son gave a whacking right at my back. it can be considered unfortunate for her as she couldn't find any books of her liking. (her books of liking are those revision books only)
the moment we reached to bus terminal, something even funnier happened, we encountered her again.. but she left us without a word. however, at the same time, we decided to take different paths, and when the archduke adn his gf decided to take the same bus, we decided that we will not "disturb" their romantic times, and took a different bus instead... again, they left without a word, and the high master phoned them to scold them of not saying "bb"... we then took another bus and took seperate paths....
such was the tale of the 26th, the 2nd part will involved the happenings of the last day of the month.
the 31st of may is the day when i attended a public speaking workshop which was held in the millineum tower. it begun on 9am, and lasted for 8 hours, which can be considered very worthwhile, as many things i learned, many messages i obtained.
the event started by asking us to complete the handout given and followed by an ice-breaking sort of event, in which we were required to look for 7 people to ask of their name lucky number, and their favourite movie or song and their reason. then entered the speaker or rather trainer for the day, which is mr.u2kumar.
his intro to the day was rather intriguing and we watched the videoclip attentively, with some laughs at a certain point. then he entered, introduced himself and emphasised on the fengshui of the formation of the seats, which was quite a funny and unexpected thought. after we did it, he then made us to seperate into groups, and he appointed 4 people to be the group leaders, which included me...
consequently we were asked to find our own team members, and after that think of a group name and the team cheer. i chose the name "endurance" for my group, for 2 reasons. one was that this name was the name of the group which prevailed during the gathering at bukit tinggi, again it was i who devised the name for the victorious group. secondly, i believed that the power to endure can bring us to achieve many great things.
throughout the workshop we were given some "money" which looked like monopoly-style notes which was a reward to those who performed well in anything. mr. u2kumar also personally stated that an amount of 8mil is needed to enable us to leave the workshop... quite a scary thought initially, but later subsided.
for 2 and a half hours we listened to all his presentations and jokes in a very attentive manner, none of us fall asleep. of all wht he said throughout the day, there are 7 things which i remembered the most, which are:
i) stop complaining if you want to be a better communicator
ii) blame yourself if anything goes wrong
iii) stop making excuses of any form
iv) devise a strategy whenever you go for a talk, if cannot, then change it
v) look for response from the audience
vi) high energy is needed for you to convince the others
vii) intonation does matter, as it can bring forth 3 different meanings
at lunch we got to enjoy sth which we are not able to normally -- archery... as rewards are given to every arrow which hits the target, i kept a record for every arrow that hit so to ease the claiming of rewards later... many succeeded, yet more failed. at the same time, certain groups tried to earn extra "income" through team cheers and recital of posters...
after lunch came the time where we were required tio present ourselves in front of the audience and receive their comments. this was done in 2 rounds, and all sorts of funny comments came forth. i, who lacked eye contact while talking, naturally got chain-blasted by people regarding this matter. and some even ridiculed me for chain-blasting nearly everyone in the eye contact issue...
then we listened to somemore stories and time just slipped past us... it seemed to be only seconds gone past when it came to the announcement of results... though my group did not prevailed over the others, we got 2nd place as well... quite proud of such a feat. we were given medal-like things as a gift or souvenir.
after that was the most exciting moment, picture taking.... there was one i even requeted "so that i won't forget your faces." then the high priest asked for a picture with the archangel.... all sorts of pictures taken. such memories much be preserved so as to prevent it from dying out of my mind...
thus was the tale, the pictures for the book fair and the workshop, will be attached as usual.. in the photo albums in here...
written by the archknight, 5th june 2008, 11.43a.m.
May 24 of the archpriestess and comments on the iu day(as this tale involves certain people, and due respect, i will use only the "titles" which is etched in my mind, to hide the identity)
a month has past since i last narrated my tale, and today's story will be very long, long indeed....
it is the first tale i have written since i turned 16 about fifteen days ago, thus this one will bring great meaning of great importance.
24th of may 2008, is a day of reckoning for the interactors of our school. not only because it is a change of the times and era, it is also a day where all enjoyed themselves despite all the differences. this, is known as the international understanding day (IU for short). all these, however, did not felt by me, as it does not flow with my blood in my veins.
if that's the case, then i shouldn't have present myself in this event, let alone narrating it. however, it may be a twist of fate, not only i was present in that event, and i had some memories of great meaning which altered my mindset once again.
maybe some will ask, what is the purpose of the archknight to attend this? the reasons are twofold, one is to give actual support to my own friends who took charge in all the planning for this event. secondly... i dun need to say, all will know what i will continue.
as the theme for today is of transylvanian theme, thus i clad myself as a dark knight, evil knights which supports the undead like vampires in their cause against the paladins (holy warriors). one of the pictures in the latest photo album of mine will tell you what i wore.
i reach the place at around 11am. after registering myself and chose my seat, i walked around and see the nearby sceneries. the event started on time, and there were many VIPs in there, such as the deputy headmistress, 2 teachers, and the rotary club president of brickfields, etc....
at first nothing special happened (not to me at least). however, when came to the introduction of the new board members and the speech of the incoming president, i suddenly found out something peculiar, something which i had never experienced before. this is the 1st time i feared to look directly into the eys of the archpriestess. her eyes are charming in a sense, not scary at all. however, why in the heavens i fear to look into it, when there is no dark power behind ???
this is because, when i looked directly into her eye, not only it interprets glory, success, pride and happiness, it also reflects back my own weakness, which is...
i) incompetent of dealing matters when variables existed ii) self-centered in my mindset and disregards others iii) conservative mindset and unwilling to open the mindgate iv) mingle only with people whom i know well, unwilling to take the initiative of expansion v) take pride in whatever i have, disregarding the credits of others vi) lack of a final will to do something when i decided to do so
all these are the most apparent weakness which i do not wish to recall it back, thus i feared looking into her eyes.
after all the speeches, it is lunch. lunch also exhibits another nature of mine --- impatience. i was unwilling to wait for long queue to get the food. as i was not hungry that time, due to lack of appetite lamenting my own mind, i decided not to queue.... at the same time was the giving out of membership cards to the interactors...
after lunch was all the gaming activities, including the blindfold game and mummy wrapping. all these gave us the laughters. consequently is the fashion show, which also exhibits the fashionable side of mankind. vampire, witches, crusaders, angels.... and all sorts. the lucky draw also gave a lot of suspense, as people waited for their numbers to be called out. it interprets to me as "a twist of fate may create dreams and wonders, as well as rewards and success. at the same time, downfall and misfortune is also a possibility."
with the performance going on, i meditated in my mind, interpreting the meanings of all these. then came the performance of the incoming board. all of a sudden it seems to me that a surge of feeling asked me to take a video of their performance, and so i did, barely make it through, as my memory card was nearly full. (the videos will be attached at the post on the 27th may, which of the tales of the book fair, which will happen on the 26th)...
the next was singing of benjamin (the inquisitor), the lyrics really touched my heart, and the eye barrier was nearly broken. with the end of the performance comes the fellowship part, when all lights were switched off and the only light source was from the candles. under the influence of techno music, the crowd was whipped into a frenzy where all danced (all right, including me, who studied too much and needs a crazy time.. haha)
later when i thought back, all these are like discos in a pub, by the music alone people can by whipped into a frenzy, they can dance tirelessly until the end, which i saluted their endurance, and also interprets my conservative thinking-style, or rather not holding to western cultures. i do not know whether this is a positive sign or otherwise, need your help to answer me.
still, the main issue is not this, it is of the picture taking. i failed to keep my perseverance and broke my principle, which is not to take advantage on any person, whether in whatever form. this one i kept since i was form 2, never once did i break it.
yet, that day, for some reason, i broke my principle. how did i broke it ? the answer is actually very obvious, which is i did something which is so evil or malicious to the extent of breaking my well-held principle. the occurance happened like this: i requested the archpriestess to have a picture with me, and all right, she agreed.
if it is agreed, why did i say i broke my principle? the taking of the picture may be given the consent, however i could control myself no longer, moments before the picture was snapped .......................... (i refused to say it, to those who knew it, let it be)
and obviously, i took my hand away the moment she asked me not to do so. immediately i left after the picture was snapped, thinking of what i have done. how can the archknight who is stubborn and obstinate mind can commit such an evil act ? this one i immediately knew the answer, it is of my lust.
the power of lust is actually very powerful, so powerful that it can change the nature of a person, breaking down the humanity and morality of mankind. looking back to the causes of all the evil deeds which causes destruction, hate and suffering, which of these is not caused by the power of lust ? i salute you if you can give me one.
and it is also because of lust that i can hold out no longer, unable to adhere to my own principles and commited this evil act. taking advantage towards another person without him or her even knowing the intent of the person is considered evil, and i avoided it at all costs. and yet, i did it today, what in the heavens is everything i have said ?? what "the archknight must keep his perseverance" or "never to take advantage of any person i see", all this now to me is meaningless, as ironically i done it.
it was a wonder that she did not give me a tight blow on the temple, and let me go just like this. however, i can see it from her eyes, fear, scared and the will to avoid me is what i interpreted, this gave me an even greater remorse. i thought: if we are to compare each other of our ages, one could see that i am elder than her by 5 and a half months.
if i'm elder than her, then i must possess a more mature mindset than her, as what the elders have. however, this evil act of mine has greatly affected my mind, it seems that my mind has been corrupted, turned evil and hinders the truth of light. i doubt of my mind now.... due to my good memory, even when she has forgotten what has happened when i see her again in 2 weeks time, i can never forget the evil i done on her.... it will remain in my mind until i die it seems, even if she did not resolve in forsaking the fellowship or rather friendship which remained....
thus, i conclude this with a sentence: "this IU day is a great success to the committee members who poured their heart and soul to plan it and bring it to its greatness, it is also a place for the archknight to learn a new chapter of lessons of life."
written by the archknight, 24th may 2008, 9.33 p.m. April 28 narration of the 26th26th of april 2008, to me is a date which marked the start of a new chapter. the reason: i have finally learned sth out of it, which is in order to achieve a greater good, small, worthless or needless things must be sacrificed to pave the way.
why do i say so? the answer is simple: moments before the choral speaking performance, someone requested me to make a video of the performance later. as a friend, i do not want to disappoint them, however the memory card of my camera indicates that only 2 and a half minutes left should i want to take a video out of it. the best part, 2 and a half minutes is not enough to complete the whole performance.
then i thought, deleting needless pictures will be the solution. and thus i begun this hard work, and at the end it ended up 5 minutes available. i felt relieved the moment i managed to "accumulate" that extra 3-minutes.
soon the performance begun, i was involved in it, thus i asked someone else to take down the performance for me. guess wht? the recording was a proof of success, and i had it uploaded on here (u'll see it the moment u entered this blog)... for those who goes on youtube, the url for it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=df_jWl6AXU0
and by the way, the pictures requested are uploaded on here as well. feel free to take a look and enjoy yourself
by the archknight, 28th april 2008, 2.29p.m. April 24 of tales of recent timesi can personally agree that, time passes with a speed faster than light, 2 months has past since i last wrote something here.. due to various reasons.
after the events that happened recently, i finally felt relieved, not only becoz i truly enjoy the experience, but i obtained answers to certain questions which kept haunting my mind. although so, troubles also are coming after me, as more and more hot issues are discussed among the class (this will be explained later)...
why the troubles? first reason is quite obvious, that im beginning to feel the strain of the workload, though i enjoyed doing it. this is due to the increasing difficulty of the work, especially add maths and physics. the concepts are hard to understand and not easy to apply at first, until i enlisted the help of ppl like master kang hong, master how ran.... just to name a few. the best part is that, the add maths teacher, pn.khoo, always leave 3 words in my exercise book at the end of every exercise, which is "write bigger please".. wth?! i personally thought that if she's going to read my bigger handwriting, she will likely faint, becoz my larger handwriting is nery ugly...
secondly, mid-year examinations will commence on 12th of may, this is an examination with the placing of rankings, which matters to most of the people. heavy pressure is placed upon myself due to my personal reasons, and of course my pride to win it all (or to say beyond godlike). however, this is easier said to be done, the explainations of the teachers are barely enough, thus i can resort to my own way -- study like heaven.....
thirdly, recent "hot issues" like the courtship between master mun hong and lady mi xue, or better known as M&M, and between master how ran and lady valerie, has caught the attention of many eyes. as more and more people are getting involved in this issue, i myself is finding it very difficult to exclude myself from all these things which can bring to the ruin of my studies. to make matters worse, the supposingly died out feeling towards someone has begun to return, at the same time a desire of devotion to another person still remained intact deep in my heart. storm and fire, ice and lightning, it's hard for me to see, as im not far-sighted.
as a result, my mind is currently in combat. for the moment, my rational and logical reasoning side prevails, which is not to pay too much attention on it and emphasise on my studies and pursuit of wisdom and knowledge. the other side always "goads" me to let go of my restrictions and to get close with the ones whom i devote my feelings to..... how complicated is the mindset of the archknight it seems.....
thus for now, i decided to maintain a barrier towards myself. one might say that im giving up on my chances, since i know that i couldn't stand a chance should a triangle relationship battle arises, but in fact it is a way of protecting myself.. why risk yourself to be hurt by the denial of the person whom you liked for so long?
oh yes, the final note: someone requested the pictures of choral speaking and drama competition, this will be done by this weekend, the pictures will be attached on here or sent to the people whom requested, pictures which will be uploaded soon is the ones i mentioned, together with the prize-giving ceremony pictures, which will be taken on saturday.
guess i need to leave, hope all are well, and may the light of the gods shine upon you!!!
written by the archknight, 24th april 2008, 10.08p.m. |
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