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May 22 of the bane of the night "destiny -- taiyou no hana"... one may question me, why is this song so appealing to me, such that i could listen to it for more than 1400 times in total? (the figure is just an estimation) the first who asked this question is none other than the archduke, then followed by many others... "there was never a time when i can see that you are not listening to the song at all? what is it so great about it?" -- the archduke, 10th november 2008. "won't you get bored after you have listened to it for about a hundred times?" -- the judge, 13th november 2008. "again as i have said, there is no crime in listening a song repeatedly, it is just an inclination of your interest towards the meaning of it. so long as it does not interfere with the life of yours and the others, you should not be denied the right to listen to anything you love..." -- the archduchess, 15th november 2008. "i can see that the meaning of the chorus reflects the truth that is hidden within your heart for years..." -- madam bj, 15th january 2009. all of them may have known it, but none of them could understand, as quoted. "there is always a layer of mist that serves as a barrier from the clear sight of the flower should you choose to see it inside the mist". even though they knew that it brings great impact to both sound and mind, yet few know the reason of so... until i absolutely refused to try to explain to them, nor i am inclined to do so... those who know me well should know the actual reason behind.. (one hint: look into the chorus of the intervals 1:06 - 1:35, the translation will provide the answer) why the title of this post today? in fact it will not be easy to explain, as of previous posts even with the bizarre nature of the words that are used for my heading, this is altogether a different case. for those who could not understand, or do not even bother to understand, the word "nightbane" is actually a combination of two words -- night and bane. when combined, it simply means "one who conquers the darkness of the night and appears as the bane of despair", which in this case serves as the beacon of light that is burning within my heart, and it has something to do with the song which i have aforementioned... that song is actually a catalyst that started a chain transformation in my mind. i downloaded that song in random and i found the lyrics, though unable to comprehend it at once, extremely intriguing. later on i found out that it is the theme song for the anime "black jack 21", which i began to watch around the beginning of this year. it opened my sights to anime, which i did not even set my eyes upon before... from this, i learned many things from anime which no one can tell me, not even the teachers who are extremely wise can do so. i understand that sometimes one can never deny the power of miracles that may happen at any time of your life, especially those critical times when you despaired or gave up entirely for lost. i regained my confidence as a result, knowing that although miracles may happen, it must be forged by your own hands, no one else can assist you in doing that. with that knowledge, i continued to expand my wisdom, in expense of almost everything else, i forsook my emotions, effectively severing it from clouding my mind in my quest of seeking knowledge... however that is not the main thing... from that song i sensed despair from the singer, especially at the 10th stanza (at intervals between 3:26 - 3:55) and the last two words at the end... it proved to be a close mirror to my emotions of that time, when i knew that im denied to the end, without towers to destroy at all. the chorus further reflects the devotion of the singer to the person which she took great regard, albeit without anything in return... it mirrored me to be honest to my emotions, and try to embrace it to seek greater faith... yet i failed. i dare not fully embrace my emotions once again, for fear of being injured in the heart lest things that are beyond my expectations turned out. as a result i have learned to expect the worst, severing my ties with emotions except for anger and despair. i forsook the way to care for people, knowing that it will bring me nothing except disappointment. i chose to pursue more knowledge with everything i have in expense, sometimes even involving arguments that can evolve into big fights solely to prove my point, for i know one thing for sure... i cannot lose at all, not when the light of the lunar grace is shining above the night sky. i cannot give up, not when the moon is shining the light to all while im farming. i have to own back the entire game, to become the bane of night where i defeat everything that stands in my path, ultimately leading the light of the sun to dominate the sky. thus, in conclusion, that song not only let me think of the directions which my heart mirrors to, but also opening my mind to greater degree of knowledge and wisdom, as well as to remind me... own this game for your own sake, not for the others. do not entrust the others in assisting you, for they also covet the same thing as you do. there are still two more papers to go, so try your best to counter-balance your disadvantages, and may the grace of the sun shines upon you, to become the bane of night where all your despairs and disturbance will be driven away from occluding your path to your success... from the archknight, 22nd of may 2009, 9.37p.m. |
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